Smile Like You Mean It
by LooMoo
Summary: "'This isn't happening…'My stomach was turning as an indescribable weight pressed itself against my whole being, crushing and suffocating me. It WAS happening." Konosetsu Konoka x Setsuna.'Maybe…some love stories just weren't meant to happen?…if only…'


A/N: Fanfiction based on one of my favourite songs, Mr. Brightside by The Killers. It's an epic song, that means a lot to me.

Never done Konosetsu before…but lately I love it just as much as Nanofate! [I did write some more Nanofate FF also, but…well…in two words:…Damn- *beep* *beep* *beep* -with a bucket of- *beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* -your mother's- *beep* *beep* -in the back of the- *beep* *beep* computer virus.]

Also just so you know, this will be based more on the anime than the manga, so their pactio will have been in Kyoto, not the magic world. Bare that in mind and it will make more sense ^-^ enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Negima series, neither do I own the song Mr. Brightside...obviously.

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* * *

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**Smile like you mean it**

_Three__ years. _

_It'__s been three years since the incident in Kyoto._

_The events that occurred on the seemingly innocent and insignificant school trip were, to say the least, terrifying._

_The thought of nearly losing you still haunts me to this day._

_I remember the look of fear in your eyes, as you lay gagged and bound on the alter__, desperately trying to call my name._

_I remember every drop of perspiration that slid down your beautiful face__ as you writhed and struggled to be free._

_I remember it all perfectly._

_So... am I selfish, if I'm glad it all happened?..._

_Since that day everything changed._

_No longer was I the stoic recluse hiding in the shadows._

_I stood by your side._

_I was __and always will be inferior, but, none of that mattered to you._

_You gave me something that I never thought I deserved._

_Happiness._

_It's hard to believe that it all started with something as simple as a kiss._

_That one heavenly kiss that managed to diminish my insecurities enough to speak with you._

_That made me break out of my dark, secluded routine._

_That made me realised how much I'm in love with you. _

_Your smile._

_Your warmth._

_Your affection._

_I want it all._

_I love you Konoka._

_If only you __can love me back._

_My life __will be perfect._

* * *

'…so if you would please just give him a try, it would be most appreciated' Konoemon stared at his young granddaughter underneath his untamed white eyebrows as he anticipated her (inevitable) reply.

'Hmm, well the short answer would be…no' she responded cocking her head to the side, mimicking the façade of one deep in thought.

The dean heaved a great sigh of irritation 'And what would the long answer be I wonder?' He asked.

'Nooooooooooooooooo-'

'Very funny Konoka' the elderly man interrupted, smiling despite his flat tone. 'I figured that you would not be happy about this arrangement, so I am willing to make a proposition'

'Oh?' perking his granddaughter's interest, she finally pulled her gaze away from the large window displaying the vast, scenic grounds of Mahora and fully concentrated on the old man behind the desk 'and what is this proposition?'  
Glad to finally have the brunette's attention he continued 'If you agree to attend the omiai with this young gentleman, I will allow you one year leniency to find your own partner if you wish'

Now, Konoka Konoe is a generally cheerful at the best, or indeed the worst, of times. So it's needless to say that her joy upon hearing these words was sent to a whole new, almost scary, level.  
'Thank you, thank you, thank you!' she shouted at the top of her lungs whilst clinging to her Grandfathers neck, no doubt deafening the poor man 'I love you, I love you, I love you! Thank you so much, I love-' the hyper girl suddenly ceased her scary appreciation and eyed the headmaster suspiciously 'hey wait a minute. What's the catch, why are you so desperate to get me in an omiai with this guy?'

'Konoka, I say, I feel offended that you believe my good will has an ulterior motive. I merely care for my dear granddaughter's happiness. Besides, I honestly think you will like this young man very much' He concluded with a soft chuckle. 'Now be off with you, I have important work to do and I'm in no doubt that Setsuna is waiting patiently for you outside the door'  
At hearing her best friend's name, Konoka's previous joyfulness returned as quickly as it had disappeared. 'Okay, thanks again Grandpa see ya!' with a small wave the young brunette turned on her heels, ran out the door and without even looking flung her arms around the unsuspecting person on the other side. 'Hey Set-chan did you hear that?' she whispered excitedly, pulling the familiar form closer into an even tighter hug.  
Of course, Setsuna's sharp ears had heard every word of the Konoe duo's conversation but, due to the deliriously happy feeling of having the slightly taller girl's curves pressed oh-so close, only a meek nod came as a reply.

'Isn't it incredible!' she continued pulling away slightly to look into her best friend's dark eyes.

'Y-yes Ojou-sa-' feeling her trademark blush beginning to form across her cheeks at the close proximity of their faces, Setsuna quickly steadied her voice and corrected herself before the currently oblivious girl caught on 'Yes Kono-chan, it's wonderful news.'

'Now alls I have to do is go on one little omiai with this random guy and I'll be freeeee!' to accentuate her words Konoka detached herself from the shy samurai and performed three neat pirouettes.  
Straightening herself up and recollecting her composure Setsuna watched as the carefree girl (or more specifically said girl's rear) skipped off down the corridor before, deciding to follow before she got too far away.

'But you know Kono-chan you still need to take it seriously. The omiais your grandfather set up are very important and must not be taken lightly' Setsuna said despite her conflicting thoughts.

'I know, I know. But let's face it, the omiais grandpa has set up so far haven't exactly been successful now have they' the brunette reasoned, once again clinging on to the kendoka's arm as they walked down the hall way 'I just want to be with you…'  
Setsuna's eyes widened as she felt her whole body stiffen… '_did Kono-chan just…c-confess?' _'…'cos you're my best friend Set-chan! I don't need any boys right now'

'_Damnit, false alarm' _The raven haired girl thought with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she was all too familiar truth, she felt it every time her precious Ojou-sama had to attend one of the stupid arranged marriage meetings. The thought of lecherous men twice her age salivating over the young brunette made her feel a little sick, but none-the-less her duty was still carried out despite any personal feelings, yet they were always there itching to be expressed.

'_Perhaps this one year leniency is a sign to start making my move?' _a whole new wave of confidence came over Setsuna as she squeezed Konoka's arm back and gave her a sweet smile_'...after Kono-chan rejects this bozo I'll confess my feelings within the year. Definitely ' _

* * *

_But inevitably nothing ever goes to plan._

_6 months later and I haven't confessed my love._

_Why?_

_Because of him._

_That bastard._

_He ruined everything._

* * *

I sat at the bar nursing my vodka and coke. Despite being a now fully fledged 18 year old I'd never been one to drink alcohol as I like to keep a clear head as often as possible, but when in a club, it was necessary to buy one just to blend in.  
To causal onlookers I appeared to just be a regular girl absentmindedly staring at the dance floor, while couples danced to the upbeat rhythm of the crap music that was blaring out of the speakers. But in reality my eyes were trained on one duo in particular.

My Kono-chan…and him.

It turns out the headmaster had been right, Konoka had taken a liking to this particular loser. He was rich, handsome and liked to party hard, which was a whole new concept to the innocent mind of the youngest Konoe. And like a child with a brand new toy, she was fascinated and couldn't get enough of it.

But still I kept my guard over her like the loyal fool I was.

They had been dancing for what seemed like hours now and in all honestly I was beginning to feel sleepy from the alcohol. It was like this nearly every other day of the week so this was nothing new…quite frankly I couldn't see the appeal myself, but as long as Ojou-sama continues to come to these places, so shall I.

Suddenly my half lidded eyes shot open as I saw the pair stumble off of the dance floor, giggling and snorting in a drunken manner, towards the exit of the club.  
Taking that as my cue to finish my drink, I hung back slightly to keep my distance, as neither of them knew I still kept watch. It would probably freak him out if he knew, calling me a stalker or some such. He would no doubt then taint poor Kono-chan's mind even further by telling her to keep away from me. _God I hate him_.

I cautiously exited the club, hiding in the shadows as I watched him whisper in the short girl's ear while pulling something out from his pocket and place it in his mouth. Pulling away as Konoka nodded he lit the cigarette and handed it to her.  
I sighed silently in despair as I watched her take a drag and cough her lungs out, the bastard only laughing as he hailed a cab, not really caring if she was okay.

_What do you see in him Ojou-sama?_ I thought as I watched them clamber into the taxi. As they drove off, I shook my head and climbed into the one of the abundant number of other cabs that were pulled up just outside the club for those too drunk to walk let alone drive home and made my way back to Mahora, barely registering the chatty cabby attempting small talk with me.

* * *

Once back in my dorm room, I stripped myself of the ridiculous get-up I wore to fit in with all the other shameless girls at the bar and changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for comfort. Stretching, I walked into my small bathroom and washed my face with cold water to try and reduce the effects of the alcohol. Staring at my now wet face in the mirror I had a thought as I grabbed a towel and began to dry it _I should check to make sure Ojou-sama got back okay. Knowing him he probably didn't even walk her to her room. _Deciding it was too much effort to put my hair in it's regular ponytail I left it down, instead I threw the towel on my bed as I walked across the threshold of my dorm room and began strolling down the halls towards my secret love.

As I neared her dorm I noticed the door was slightly ajar and a sliver of light was emanating from the gap _Alcohol makes her so careless! She's alone tonight as well_, _anybody could just walk on in and attack her. _But the closer I got the more uneasy I felt _Is th-that another voice? Who is she talking to?... Is that…_I now stood directly outside the door and despite my better judgement I peered through the crack, confirming my fears _…him._

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces as I watched him kiss her passionately where they lay on the bed together, his hands running up and down her body disgustingly. _This isn't happening…this isn't happening...this isn't happening!_

She began touching him back, one hand was on his chest, the other on his…

My stomach was turning as an indescribable weight pressed itself against my whole being, crushing and suffocating me. It _was_ happening. They had been dating for nearly 6 months now, it was going to happen sometime. I thought I had fully prepared myself. But seeing what they were doing, nothing could prepare me. Nothing.

He began to roughly take off her dress as he grinded against her like an animal. _No…please stop. _She was now reduced to her underwear. _Please get off of her!_ I fell to my knees, tears coming in uncontrollable torrents down my face. _I-I can't watch…I- _Iheard her moan in pleasure as he made a disgusting grunting noise. Placing my hands over my ears I bowed my head as low as I could, my sobs now being muffled by the thick carpet. 'K-Kono-chan I l-love you…s-s-so why are you…' I whispered. The moans started getting louder, and I wanted nothing more than to die in that moment. I needed to get out of there, it was like enduring the most painful torture imaginable.

_Fucking asshole._

Picking myself up and steadying my balance as best I could while still clamping my hands over my ears I stumbled away as fast as possible.

I needed to get away.

Away from that pig_. _

_That dirty pig._

My footsteps were getting heavier as I got further away from the room.

My finger nails dug deep into my palms. Though I could sense blood begin to drip from between my fingers, I could not feel the pain.

_That dirty fucking pig!_

My face was becoming more contorted with anger.

I could feel it. The Hanyou within me was getting stronger.

I knew there was no going back, I just needed to get back to my dorm before…

_I've loved and protected Konoka for years!_

My jaw clenched tighter.

_What gives him the right to screw her__?_

My breathing was becoming more erratic.

_How dare he, that__ dirty bastard!_

I smashed down the door of my room until there was nothing but twisted hinges left on the frame. The anger was rising. It was controlling me.

I just wanted to destroy…destroy whatever meagre possessions I had.

They were all meaningless to me now.

Scarcely aware of my actions I aimed a few punches at the dry wall, easily creating fist size holes in it. The small TV I used to watch before I went to sleep was ripped off the wall and smashed against the floor with such ferocity the glass shattered and completely covered the dorm floor, I didn't care if it cut deep or made disgusting crunching noise as I tread on it. Nothing mattered: lamps, keepsakes and gifts were either swept on the floor, smashed or thrown until the room was wrecked beyond recognition. Anything that once held any meaning or memories was now lost amongst the mangled chaos. Nothing was left unbroken.

But

…

Nothing could be broken as much as I was.

* * *

Setsuna knelt in the middle of the carnage, her breathing now much calmer and the previous red mist had cleared leaving her feeling lost and disorientated.

A single tear was rolling down her cheek, mixing with the blood from the small cuts on her face she'd managed to gain in the outburst. _'How did it come to this?' _She wasn't exactly proud of what she had done, but it couldn't be helped. The level of animosity and jealousy was just too great for the Hanyou. Another tear fell as she held on to her own shaking body. 'K-Ko…no-chan' she whispered.

'Set-chan?' The black haired girl slowly lifted her head to see the now fully dressed Konoka staring at her from the doorway.

'…Kono-chan' Setsuna didn't know whether to feel happy or sad to see her, either way she burst out into tears again.

The brunette, who was thankfully wearing shoes, rushed in to comfort her friend. 'Set-chan, what happened? Mana-san just came to my room and told me to hurry to come see you' She wrapped her hands around the poor girl, letting her cry into her shoulder.

'_Damn Mana__…must have seen' _was all Setsuna thought. Mana had always had the incredible ability to deduce what was wrong in almost any situation and this particular circumstance seemed to hold no exception.

'Please…tell me Set-chan' Konoka could feel her own voice begin to break as she held on the other girl even tighter 'I can't bear to see you like this.'

'_I could just tell her now__. I could tell her how betrayed I feel. I could tell her not to do such things again. I could tell her now much I love her... I could tell her so many things'_

And she would. What was holding her back?  
Making the decision, she squeezed back briefly before separating herself from the warm hug and held the other girl at arms length.

'K-Kono-chan…" Setsuna sniffed and tried to wipe away any tears that were still falling, using it more of an excuse to not look Konoka in the eye more than anything '…there is something…I should tell you'  
Konoka said nothing but rubbed the ebony haired girls shoulder, encouraging her to continue.

'The truth is I…I…' the words caught in Setsuna's throat, Konoka just waited patiently 'I…well…I…I…'

'Go on Set-chan' Konoka said gently.

'I…' Setsuna lifted her head and finally looked in the brunettes eyes.

All at once her resolve broke.

* * *

Looking in her eyes I couldn't see it.

She was worried, yes. Who wouldn't be when you've just walked in on your best friend looking like a human train wreck? I saw her caring nature reflected in her big brown orbs, wanting to get to the bottom of why I would do such an uncharacteristic thing, and help me in anyway possible to get better.  
I saw all this. But I didn't see love.  
At least not the kind of love I yearned for.  
I searched and searched for what seemed like hours. Nothing. The sinking feeling returned yet again.

_Who am I kidding? She's never been mine, she never will be._

Something caught my eye as it appeared behind Konoka. It was him. He stood at the doorway staring judgingly at me as if he knew what was happening inside my head, and for a brief moment I saw pity flash across his face.

That was when I knew I had truly lost.

I looked back into my secret loves expectant eyes, she was still waiting for an answer from me.  
Taking a deep shaky breath I closed my eyes…and smiled.

Clearly being thrown off balance by this sudden change she once again asked what was wrong.  
My fake smile just grew brighter and, if possible, even more false. 'I'm sorry for worrying you Kono-chan. It's just that because I'm half demon I sometimes suffer severe mood swings. It's very rare though so please don't worry about it heh' I said scratching the back of my head sheepishly.

Konoka still seemed worried but bought my excuse 'Why didn't you say so before Set-chan?' she sighed 'Do you need help clearing this mess up?'

'No thank you, you've done more than enough already.' I held up my hands politely in protest 'Besides I need to rest for a while, I used up quite a bit of energy'

'Well I will leave you to rest for a bit but I will be back later to help whether you like it or not' the brunette replied, finally smiling the smile I loved so much.

'Okay, thank you Kono-chan…for everything' I hesitated before continuing with another lie 'See you later then'  
Getting up, she walked over to him. I watched as he whispered something to him before she gave a small wave and walked down the corridor out of sight.

He said nothing at first, just stood and stared as I smiled back. The clock would have no doubt been ticking loudly in the silence if it hadn't been completely destroyed only moments before.

'I'm sorry Setsuna'

Without waiting for a reply, he turned his back and followed after Konoka.  
Once I could no longer hear his footsteps my smile slowly faded and my true emotions could be read. Only three words actually registering in my consciousness amongst the blur of pain and sorrow.

_Congratulations, you won._

_

* * *

_

_My life, my existence, was a competition. A competition I could never win._

_Therefore I am unnecessary. And the world is full of unnecessary people._

_I loved you Konoka._

_If only you could have loved me back._

_My life would have been perfect._

_

* * *

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A/N: Here's your daily dose of angst.

Not everything turns out as peachy as you would want…sorry about that, forgive me please ^-^

See if you can spot all the references from the song lyrics though! They aren't exactly hard to find, but I tried not to make them blatantly obvious i.e. directly quote the song lyrics every other paragraph.

I may get round to writing a more fluffy one eventually.

Anyway R&R please! Peace out.


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